Sunday, March 18, 2012

How to Break Your Nose Without Really Trying

My nose looks like I've had a bar fight with someone dressed up as a leprechaun on St. Patrick's Day night or took a header off of a St. Patrick's Day parade float right onto the pavement. But no, my story isn't nearly that exciting. I broke my nose doing the laundry. I think my laundry is trying to send me a not-so-subtle message: "I'm going to cause you nothing but trouble and bodily harm!"

If it seems like this is something that could only happen to me, I agree! But then 57% of nonfatal injuries do occur in the home. I learned a valuable lesson—fuzzy socks on a very clean and slippery spot of hardwood floor do not mix. Especially when your arms are filled with a load of laundry fresh from the dryer. My right foot slipped, and I thought I could balance myself with my left foot until that foot slipped out from under me as well. Instead of dropping the clean laundry and perhaps catching myself, I landed right on the bridge of my nose: a direct hit on those Brazilian cherry floorboards. The horrible crunching sound my nose made on impact and the steady stream of blood immediately clued me in that my nose was broken. But you will be happy to hear that the laundry stayed clean and I didn't even spurt any blood onto it!

So instead of celebrating St. Patrick's Day with my friends I ended up at home lying on my bed catching up on episodes of Survivor and Project Runway All Stars and numbing the pain with ice, Advil and a glass of Chardonnay. As the swelling recedes today, there is one good thing that came out of all of this—the diamond-like bump on my nose from an earlier break is gone. Only I could manage to break my nose twice in my 43 years and end up inadvertently straightening it with a second break.

Perhaps I do need to ease up on my domestic goddess role and hire a laundress before my laundry really does kill me!


Paula said...

Oh Ouch! I feel so sorry for you. I am sure your family will think of you as the "Mom of The Year" that you managed to get the laundry done, break the nose, and continue on with the day! Bravo! Just a slight "Speed Bump" in the suburbia life.

Jo said...

You have GOT to stop doing laundry!

Tess DeGeest said...

For goodenss sake (and for the sake of your health)! Make the kiddos do their own laundry!